Adventures in the land of unidentified injury.

If you've read previous posts, you'll see that this year has been pretty successful in the way of running...up until this summer, that is. Shortly after completing my first trail marathon, which also happened to be my fourth marathon in four months, I was stopped dead in my running tracks.

I don't recall doing anything particularly jarring that would have caused me long-term pain, as the last two marathons felt pretty good. Two days after my trail marathon, I stepped out for an easy 2-mile recovery jog and every step initiated a sharp pain through the middle of my left thigh. Baffled and frustrated I stopped my run and took a few days off. After my short break, I tried running again and the pain was still there, just not as intense. So, I decided to make a doctor's appointment. I wanted to start with my regular doctor, hoping that he would steer me in the right direction of what kind of specialist to see (physical therapist? Ortho? Sports Medicine?). My appointment was a bit disappointing. I explained my issue to him, much like I did in this blog. Of course, no surprise, he scolded me for running so many marathons....yeah, he just doesn't get it. He made the assumption that I went from couch potato to 40 miles per week all of the sudden. What he didn't seem to understand was that I did not suddenly increase my mileage. I built up my weekly mileage over the course of 6 months. In fact, my weekly mileage before and after each race decreased a lot, because I'd like to think I train smart. Next, he pushed, pulled, wiggled, and bent my leg, trying to reproduce the pain while I was lying down. Having no success, he quickly concluded that I had a stress fracture in my femur. He didn't even want me to get an x-ray as he didn't think it was necessary. I insisted on one, so he ordered it for me anyway. Fortunately, they found nothing in the x-ray. Unfortunately, I was then sent off with my doctor's solution: Stop running and consider taking up biking or swimming. (insert the sound of nails on a chalkboard here)

To tell someone who runs, not just for fun, but for sanity, for accomplishment, for therapy, for camaraderie and for the simple love of being outside, doing what our bodies were built to do; to stop running is like telling Lance Armstrong to stop riding his bike and take up tennis because he has a sore knee. It just doesn't make sense - or perhaps it's a death sentence, you decide.

Since my doc wouldn't refer me to a specialist, I decided to do it myself, only to discover that my health care organization doesn't have a sports medicine department and does not contract out to any. Great. My next best choice was orthopedics, so I gave them a call. This appointment was a little more encouraging. The ortho doc had me run up and down the hallway and had me do some standing exercises to evaluate my leg. Then he ordered a bone scan. The earliest scan I could get was three weeks out, and in the meantime I was ordered to steer clear of all impact exercise until further notice! Gaaaah! Having already not run for three weeks and then knowing that it would be at least another three weeks, I felt extremely bummed and frustrated. I could already see myself becoming more easily irritated on any given day, and I found myself a bit more anxious in the evenings. This limitation couldn't have come at a worse time, as Mike left for deployment and school stared up again. ugh!

I did my best to keep up my cardio with my bicycle, the elliptical machine, etc. There is nothing in the world that could truly replace the experience you get from running. I quickly began to miss being outside and on my own two feet. I also found myself struggling to stay motivated to be active. I gained a greater appreciation for what Mike must have gone through when recovering from foot surgeries. I would occasionally "cheat" and run the 100 feet to the mailbox just to get a quick fix. I found myself feeling jealous every time I would read a race report or announcements on facebook about someone running a really cool marathon. I still feel that way.

The bone scan was not all that exciting. More so, it revealed no evidence of stress fracture. The only parts of the bone that looked stressed at all were the areas where the muscle is connected to the bone. Hmmm....

Well, the follow up appointment was both good and bad. The nurse who checked me in made some comments that made me want to slap her. "Oh, you're a runner! From looking at you, I would have never guessed." was the first thing that came out of her mouth. My response was, "well, if you went to watch a marathon, you would be surprised about all of the different shapes and sizes of even the experienced runners." Her response was, "yeah, we'd all like to think that, wouldn't we?" Good thing I was in a good mood because her face could have easily been placed into dark crevasses otherwise. When the doc and I looked at the bone scan results, he felt that it would be okay to start running again. The plan now is to start at a measly 15 minutes for the first week, and add 5 minutes each week, pending my leg feels okay. He also wants me to incorporate some weight training and cross training to make sure that my muscle structures are balanced. He felt that the stress on the bones was due to overuse of some muscles and under use of others. This made a lot of sense, so I figured I'd stick with it.

Starting off running again was easy as pie. I guess all of that cardio on the bike and at the YMCA paid off. Pfew! My next challenge was not to get back into shape, but to deal with "the itch." You see, if I go more than 3-4 days without running outside, and then I start running again, my skin starts to itch and burn so badly that I almost feel nauseated and I just want to rip it all off. After a few days consecutively with some outside runs, it goes away. This is another issue that I have yet to figure out. It's not an allergic reaction to my clothes or anything, but it sure is miserable. My first run was only 7 minutes because I just couldn't stand the itch and I had to sooth it by taking a hot shower right away. The next day was better. I made it one whole mile before I thought I was going to puke from the itching and burning. Day three, I made it my entire 15 minutes with just a slight itch that was manageable. Then I went a few days with some cross-training, trying to be a good girl and listen to my doctor. Unfortunately, that meant, that my next run, which happened to be this morning, I had to suffer the itch again. I was able to run two sets of 10 minutes with a 12 minute walk in between.

So, the next challenge will be to come up with a training routine that allows me to run frequently enough to avoid the itch, but also get in that cross training. It sounds easy, but being a full time music teacher, it is quite challenging. I often have no idea what time I will get home from work. I can't exercise before work, because then I won't have the stamina to teach in the afternoon. I'm sure I'll figure it out, but I am certainly feeling challenged, frustrated, and discouraged. My next marathon goal keeps getting pushed back further and further. I am sure that once I get back into the flow of things, I will be a much stronger runner, but to be honest, I am having trouble seeing the light. I bought new running shoes today in hopes that I will be motivated to use them. So far, so good, as I am looking forward to running tomorrow morning. We'll see how far I get this time.

*sigh*

You know you're a running addict when...

Your doctor tells you that you may have a stress fracture in your femur, but you still get angry at him when he tells you not to run.

You get depressed when you can't torture your body with multi-hour long runs in the sweltering heat.

You're grumbling as you ride your bike on beautiful mornings along beautiful Northwest trails because you would rather be running them.

You sneak in little runs to the mailbox, to/from your car in the parking lot, and across the yard with your dog, just to get a little "fix."

You refuse to let your race number for the event you had to forfeit go to waste because of doctors orders, so you convince a man twice your age to run it for you.

You try to think positive and plan to reward your recovery and return to running with a new pair of shoes. You'll be skipping out on school shopping for a couple of months to get these shoes.

Crescent Forest Trail Marathon - Check!

I did it ... I pushed my limits and finished my first trail marathon today. I'd like to count it as an ultra, but it was advertised as a marathon...so be it. 27.4 miles of beautiful Washington wilderness. 5 hours, 24 minutes...not bad.

I learned many things, both good and bad, about my body, trail runs, and running equipment today.

Preparing for a marathon when you're on a diet is a little nerve-racking. My habit is to just stuff my face with pasta throughout the day prior to the race and wake race morning not even hungry. For some reason, I had it in my head that this was the best way to pack those carbohydrates and other energy stores in. Well, I am learning that you're body can only process so much and the rest either becomes fat or goes right through ya. So, I had two "weight watchers" servings of whole wheat pasta and that was it. I woke up in the morning hungry. That made me worry, because it's not what I am used to. To ease my mind, I had two servings of Kashi cereal, which is only about two cups of food. On the drive to the race, I sucked down one energy gel. Now I was ready. Even with double servings and a gel, I still consumed less than half of the amount of food as before previous marathons.

Body Lesson #1: No need to feed to the point of massive belly bloat.

I really wanted to wear my marathon maniacs jersey today, as this was my first race as an official maniac. Fortunately it fit. Unfortunately, the fit was just a little too snug for comfort. As long as I keep up on my weight loss plan, I should be able to sport my yellow cat-on-head-of-crazy-runner paraphanilia by my next marathon.

Body/Equipment Lesson #2: Healthy eating habits lead to fitting into the clothes you want.

Jenny ran the early-start time with me. Gig Harbor was overcast and about 58 degrees...PERFECT running weather. Much better than the 93 degrees the day before. It was kind of nice to start a race with only a handful of people...quiet, peaceful, content people who are just out there to enjoy a trail run. Nobody was there to compete against anyone else. How refreshing!

Trail Lesson #1: Trail runners are generally very nice people.

The first mile or two of the trail was pleasant, but you still had to watch your footing for the occasional stump, root or rock. Otherwise it was soft, dry dirt. Nice. Miles 2-5 had some very bushy areas where you had no choice but to slow down and sometimes walk to get through it. Wanting to finish in time to make it to my nephew's birthday party, I stupidly PLOWED through the brush, unintentionally scraping and bruising my ankles and shins.

Trail Lesson #2: Do not be fooled by the fluffy foliage. Bushes will bite when threatened.

The second half of the loop (which was actually a figure 8) was a little more technical in the way of rocky, rooty footing, hills, twists and turns. The trail, however was wide enough to gain some speed. This is where I got a little too cocky and took it a little too fast. By the end of Loop repeat 2, I was only halfway done and felt like I had gone much further.

Body Lesson #3: Just because it's fun, doesn't mean you should forget about pacing strategies.

Due to some technical difficulties, our race director was not able to move the porta-potty from his front yard down to the start line. So, after Loop 2, in desperation, I sacrificed some time to walk the 0.1 distance to his yard for relief.

Trail Lesson #3: Always bring toilet paper or tissue to an unsupported race to avoid time consuming trips off course for the bathroom.

After the little bathroom detour, I realized that only if I could maintain a sub 11:00 minute pace for the next 13.5 miles, would I make it to that party. Knowing the terrain and my careless early race-pacing I knew that wasn't going to happen. Maybe I could do it in a road marathon, but certainly not today. So, I decided that this lap would be an "easy" one. Easy meaning that I would stop plowing through things and actually take the time to get through the brush injury free. It also meant walking up all of the steep inclines. This was a good thing, as somehow there seemed to be more inclines the third time around the loop. Hmmm....wonder how they got there?

Trail Lesson #4: Running repeat loops causes hills to grow in the forest.

The temperature started rising a little at this time and I found myself needing to wipe alot of sweat off of my face and neck. This would be a simple task, except that with each swipe, I also discovered that I was squishing bugs. Yep, I had bugs on my face and neck. Surprisingly, I have no bug bites. I suspect that the combination of massive sweat and slimy sunscreen made the bugs stick to me like a windshield. Yumm...

The second part of this Loop 3 was challenging. I think my bad pacing from before was catching up to me, but I had a little more cramping than usual at around mile 18. Thanks to my nifty hydration pack, I refueled and rehydrated the cramps away. Yippee!

Body Lesson #4: Drink water, suck lots of fuel, even when you don't feel like it. Especially if you're sweating so much that you're drowning bugs.

Loop #4 couldn't come soon enough. I started to get a little bit of a second wind. The legs were tight, but I'm learning something about my body - upper body matters too. I knew that, but I didn't think about it. At the beginning of this loop there is a chicken wire fence which keeps a large dog in someone's backyard. Well, as I was adjusting my water tube, this dog charged toward me and barked like he wanted to kill me. This startled me enough while my body was twisted and I pulled an intercostal muscle (the ones inbetween your ribs). That really sucked...hurt like the dickens...no way to stretch it. ugh. About mile 22, I stumbled a little and stubbed my foot on a stump. Determined not to roll and ankle or cramp up a leg, I continued my forward motion, avoided falling and to my relief was able to keep running. Strangely though, both of my arms cramped up. This was something new. I guess in my efforts to keep my legs loose, I passed the tightness to my arms. ouch! Fortunately, there was some random old dude at the mid-loop aid table that was willing to squeeze my shoulders and help loosen the tension enough for me to take off the hydration pack and stretch things out a little.

Body Lesson #3: Care for thy arms. For it is difficult to run with crampy arms.

The last few miles were tough, but nothing beyond expected. I was actually quite surprised that I had gone this far without a single moment of doubt that I could finish the race. The best part about the finish is that it came much sooner than expected. My garmin was pretty inaccurate today due to forgetting to start it until about 0.6 miles into the race and all of the twists and rolls of the trail that it doesn't calculate. Nice!

Other lessons:

Equipment: My hydration pack is awesome, but if I make it too tight, my fingers will turn blue. Also, I should probably invest in a good pair of trail shoes and some gaiters.

Body: 70% mental stamina + 30% physical effort = 100% running confidence.

Trail: Almost always a slower pace. In battle of man vs. trail, trail will always win, so you might as well just go with it. Also, small races are very lovely on local trails; much better than on roads because I had to run alone the entire race. That was freedom!

Good things and cool stuff

Despite my husband's sabbatical from home, I've been able to make the best of the situation. I've taken advantage of the quiet time, allowing me to finish my master's project and get it edited several times before the deadline. I truly never thought I could ever finish it. Now, to dive into the unknown by taking the 2-hour oral exam. For some reason, I am not worried about it.

I've also decided to take this "alone" time to get back into a weight loss program. Last year, I started weight watchers online and discovered that it really works. Life circumstances kept me from continuing, but this summer I am back with it. In fact, only having to shop and feed myself, I've been able to eat the right things, get on my own schedule and work in some type of exercise almost every day. The payoff so far is 5 pounds within two weeks. I've got another marathon next weekend, so I'm sure the next couple weeks will slow down a little as I battle my intense preference for carbs. Meanwhile, I am going to enjoy my success thus far.

Losing even 5 pounds is also helping my running. I have found that I don't feel that icky jiggle as much in the areas of my body where the fat likes to collect (I'm sure every woman knows what I'm talking about). I've also noticed that I've had the stamina to do most of my runs in the 10 min./mile or just under range - even my 18.5 miler was an average of 45 seconds per mile faster than any of my long runs in the spring. This is good. :)

To make my running improvements even more enjoyable is the addition of my Nathan Intensity 2.0 Hydration Vest (compliments of the hubby). I ran with the bladder completely full today, just to see what it will feel like. 8 miles later, I am still a huge fan. I felt no discomfort due to the weight, nor did I chafe! Nice! The funny thing is that I found myself forgetting that I was hauling 70 oz. of water on my back and complained to myself about being thirsty, only to realize that relief was as simple as popping open the mouth piece and sucking in the nice, fresh and cool water from the tube! What luxury! I am certainly looking forward to using it during my first trail marathon this coming weekend.

Moving forward in many ways

Last night (4th of July) at 9pm I drove Mike to the airport so he could go to a one-month training course related to a recent promotion. He won't actually receive the promotion until he finishes this course and his number on the list comes up. I am very proud of him for pushing through and doing what it takes to advance his career, despite his injuries and related challenges. I am not so pleased with the Army system in sending him to various training for a total of 3 months within the 6 months before his deployment, but that's the Army life...gotta love it.

On the drive home from the airport I enjoyed the constant multitude of fireworks displays that blanketed the horizon. That made up for having to send off my husband at a time when we should be home celebrating together. He called me from Georgia several times today, which reassured me that this month, despite his absence, all will be fine. Another moment of pride for Mike is when he told me that, although it was over 100 degrees with nearly 100% humidity, he did a mock PT run and improved his time from a couple of days ago by almost a minute.

This morning I woke up around 4:45 am...likely just after most people finally got to bed. Although cool outside, it was still shorts weather. The air appeared foggy, but I knew by the smell that it was just the residual smoke from the previous night sitting in the stagnant air. I really enjoyed the unusually quiet and calm first 6 miles of the day. The mountain was stunning and the birds were out exploring in the rubble on the streets.

Immediately after this first 6 miles, I took off to the Ruston Starbucks to park and continue my mileage for the day. Having no one to meet me, I slapped on the Ipod and went on my way. After about a mile on Ruston way, I realized that the course from the waterfront to Pt. Defiance where I would meet the club today was probably further than I had estimated. I gave myself 40 minutes to travel what I thought was 3 miles, but turned out to be 4. This meant that I had to book it at a 10 minute pace per mile or faster. I had the confidence to do it because I was sub 10 during last weeks 15 miler. What made it difficult was the humid, stagnant stench and smoke from the City's celebration the night before. There's nothing yuckier than drunken bums throwing up near the benches, dozens of rotten potta-potties, overflowing garbage cans (some that had caught on fire), waste management trucks in action and the residual smoke mixed with the natural stinky shore smell that occurs with low tide and hot temperatures....particularly when you're huffing and puffing to run faster than usual. Oi vey. Note to self: avoid Ruston Way on July 5th (and January 1st, just to be proactive about it). So, I made my illegal journey through the tunnel and plugged up then down the hill to Pt. Defiance....made it just in time! Pfew!

The jog around 5-mile drive was wonderful - all shade, easy pace and good conversations. Upon completion of the loop, I saw that I had about 4 miles to go to reach my 18 mile goal for the day. Having no interest in touring the stinky waterfront once again, I opted to run up Pearl St., over to 30th and down the big hill back to the Ruston Starbucks. This was all fine and dandy for about a mile, when I realized that the gradual uphill climb would continue until I reached 20th and Proctor (approx. Mile 17). The sun was beating down, but I just plugged away. I tried weaving through the neighborhoods in hopes to minimize my hills, but had no luck. Fortunately, I came upon a small coffee shop where I was able to re-fill my water bottle with precious ice water! Ahhhh! At this point I confirmed my theory that even during long runs, I prefer the short and steep uphills to the long, never-ending gradual inclines. The trip down 30th to complete my run confirmed that downhill running is no fun at mile 17, particularly when it's that steep; so steep, in fact, that I felt sick to my tummy (like you would on a fair ride) when I tried to run down. I am not sure at this point if this alternate route was any better than Ruston.

Regardless, I finished it and I finished strong. I am proud of my progress, not only in my ability to get those long runs in with strength and without hesitation, but also that I have the confidence to go it alone. This would have not been the case one year ago. I am looking forward to my next string of marathons - almost one per month until the springtime. This will be a great distraction during Mike's deployment and a great opportunity to continue to work through my mission to conquer panic disorder and reclaim my life. Right now it's looking good.

Jumping off of the plateau

I had forgotten how quickly one can benefit from changing a running routine; particularly when changing means upping the mileage and putting in a little bit of speed work. I literally have only done two actual speed workouts and one hill work out. The rest is just plain mileage. I've noticed that my comfortable pace short to medium distance runs are faster than before. I am learning that the planned and frequent walk breaks are not as beneficial to me as they are for others. I am getting away from being fixated on "saving" energy on the longer runs and just going a pace that feels good. The last two long runs have not only been faster than any in the last six months, but I have also finished them feeling like I could go further if I wanted to. I am also finding it easier and easier to get into a mental groove that allows me to enjoy solo runs. My guess is that my anxiety is lower and I don't spend the whole time fretting over what might happen during my run. Part of me always goes back to thinking about the Tacoma Marathon. I felt like absolute crap and I still finished. That tells me that I can feel like crap and still run. It's all temporary and you always come out stronger afterward.

During the past three marathons, I felt as though I was stuck in a pace rut. Part of it was the planned walk breaks, as I am realizing that for me, the stop and go is more exhausting than it is helpful. I wondered how the heck I was able to jog through the Eugene Marathon at a sub 10 minute pace when I have had to work so hard for 11+ minutes per mile on the last three marathons. In the last two or three weeks, however, I am feeling running refreshed. That is not to say that all of my runs have felt good, although most have. It's more like I am feeling like I am finally climbing out of a certain rut and setting higher personal goals is seeming more and more realistic.

Ahhhh!

Changing the routine

Now that I am running longer distances on a more regular basis, I am realizing that my body is getting used to the rate of exercise and my metabolism has either hit a plateau or gone back a little. Last year at this time, I weighed the most that I have ever weighed and I could really feel it when I ran. It was only a difference of about 12 lbs from normal, but on a 5' 1" frame, that makes a pretty big difference. I'm almost back to that dreaded weight despite my increase in marathons. It is much harder to maintain a good balance between calorie intake and output when you have to carbo-load and suck down gels and eat recovery meals. I am also a reactive hypoglycemic, which means that blood tests show that I have normal blood sugar levels, but at any time that blood sugar goes down even a little I experience exaggerated symptoms...light-headedness, headaches, nausea, and what I call "jello legs. So, in response, I need to eat every two hours throughout the day to avoid those yucky symptoms. Bleh.

I've read that to lose one pound you've got to burn off about 3500 calories per week. That boils down to about 35 miles of running..no prob! But once again, if I keep running the same way, the same time of day, then my body will adjust and won't burn as much. Soooo, I decided to mix it up a little. I've begun doing some "speed work" on Thursday nights. This morning I ran with Mike's soldiers (and beat about half of 'em) along ruston way and then up 30th street and back. I did the hill twice while the guys only did it once. tee hee! Now that it's summer time, I am going to try to thow in some spin classes and other alternate stuff, hoping that should do the trick without having to track my food intake much more than the typical portion control.

I love summer. If I wasn't a teacher and I didn't have this break, I think I would be a big fat ball of lard. Pfew!

She's a maniac, maaaaaaniac...!

A little over two years ago I ran my fastest marathon to date. Not only was it my PR, but it was in Track Town USA, also known as Eugene, OR. I am a product of the U of O School of Music and consider Eugene my second home. I will never forget the perfect race, on a near perfect course with perfect weather, among the perfect group of friends. I was probably in the best shape of my adult life and felt like I could conquer the world. During my training weeks leading up to Eugene I did not waiver. I had my husband's (then fiancee) undying support and decided that Eugene would be the first of three marathons in three months to qualify me as a Marathon Maniac (www.marathonmaniacs.com). The other races to follow would be the inaugural Tacoma City and North Discovery. My sense of immortality would quickly dissipate, however, when I came to experience what I now know as a full blown panic attack about 10 minutes after finishing the race. When the numbness in my fingertips and toes began spreading throughout my body, my chest felt as though someone were sitting upon it and then every muscle in my body, including my toungue began to cramp and freeze up, I was certain that I was going to die. The medics told me that I may have overhydrated and made me eat potato chips. Then I remember some guy sticking a plastic bag over my mouth. I had never before struggled so much to convince myself that I needed to trust these people. After all they did what they thought was right. Once my breathing pattern was regulated and I was able to swallow some more electrolytes, I recovered quickly....literally within 20 minutes. This should have been the first clue that it was panic, but I was very ignorant.

It took me about two months of blood tests, emergency room visits, major paranoia and uninformed doctors telling me that I should never ever run a marathon again to figure out that I had inherited yet another perk of the depression/anxiety spectrum....panic disorder. It has taken me two years to get to the point that I can live with this disorder and not walk around life in fear of another attack.

So, here I am today...a little older, a little wiser, a little fatter and with many more miles on my feet. As cheezy and cliche as it sounds, reaching my goal of maniac status means more than just that. It means I have learned to take control over that little monster inside me that makes me fear the world. It means that I am stronger than I think I am. It means that a new door has been unlocked to a place with no walls.

Panic Management...check.
Learning to run a marathon despite panic...Royal Victoria Marathon...check.
Yakima River Canyon Marathon...check.
Tacoma City Marathon...check.
Bladder Infection management...check.
Green River Marathon with great running friends...check.
Marathon Maniac status...check.
New goal - 6 in 6 months...check.
What next?

Defeating the Defeator

By request of my husband, we ran the Sound to Narrows course with several other run club buddies in lieu of running over the Narrows Bridge. At first I was seriously bummed that we were going to run a difficult 7.5 miles with at least 60% uphills, which included some hills that seriously kicked my butt during the Tacoma Marathon. Since that marathon, I have been somewhat turned off by Pt. Defiance, and especially by Vassault hill. I can still very clearly remember how crappy I felt during the marathon and I really didn't feel like reliving that experience.

We woke up late and had only 15 minutes to get dressed and leave the house. Perhaps this was a good thing because it didn't give either of us time to talk ourselves out of running. Today's group was a generally fast crowd, so I started in the back. Mike, of course, took off with the leaders and were at least 100 yards ahead within no time. It was a little hard to get warmed up and it felt like we were running through molasses at first. I felt warmed up by about 2.5 miles and decided to go ahead a push a little. I felt good and encouraged by the fact that I felt so good. Somehow, I had already managed to maintain a 9:55 average pace and thought I could probably keep it up through the park. My confidence shot right up when I approached and passed Angela, Eric and friends. My goal then became to try to stay ahead of them for as long as possible. Suddenly, I realized that I was only about 50 meters behind Mike and Dan. I only had 3.5 miles to go by this point, so I had to see what I had in me. I picked it up a little more. It took about a mile, but I caught up with them!!!! Woooo hooo! Mike, bless his heart, offered to continue on with me for a good push to the end. We made it all the way up Vassult to the finish, maintaining a sub 10-min. pace, without cramps, without bladder pain and without bonking.

Now that's what I call a good hard run! I was able to overcome my recent aversion to hills and Mike was able to push through a great run on his recovering ankle. Today was a great day for a run.

Thoughts about: Headaches and recovery, friends, pacing, and chest pain

Headaches and recovery: It took me a little longer than I wanted to recover from Tacoma, regardless of my little bladder issue. It's just so amazing how the slightest difference in race settings can have such huge effects on the body. I went 4 days without running and still felt pretty lethargic for my first recovery run. I think the part of the recovery that was fighting off infection hit me pretty hard. By the end of the following weekend, I thought I was bouncing back and even planned a longer run for the weekend after that. Then, the next week, I missed out on my runs again, this time because of long, loooooong tiring hours at work. By the end of that week (5/15/09) I was pretty wiped out. I had an on-going headache that kept me from sleeping well and made my work day very inefficient...which in turn caused me to work even more hours. I finally got my butt out the door, headache and all, on Sunday, May 17th. Strangely enough, the easy 5 miles made my headache disappear! This led me to believe that the headache and fatigue were side effects of so many consecutive days without exercise - Just another reason to keep motivation to get out and run!

This last saturday (5/23/09), three weeks post-marathon, I finally felt back to normal. I managed to run 17 miles with some great running friends.

Friends: After so many solo runs, including breaking off from the run club to maintain a comfortable pace, I almost had forgotten how enjoyable a run with friends can be. This last weekend, all of my runs have been with friends. The conversations can get very creative! I have this theory that if every human being made it a habit to go running with friends, then we could get enough creative juices flowing to solve all of the world's problems. Tall order, I know.

Pacing: After my experience at Tacoma, I have decided to get back into a run-walk (9-min. run/1-min. walk) routine for all runs over 4 miles. This routine has proven beneficial on the shorter runs, but I think it will take some repetition and practice to get it working for me on the longer runs. The shorter runs have been faster than 10 min. miles. My longer runs however, have remained closer to 11. Although my goal is to finish feeling good, I must admit that I am disappointed because I ran Eugene two years ago at a 9:55 pace. I would like to get back to the level of fitness where a sub 10 minute pace is about 70-80 percent effort level for a marathon. On the flip side, my last long run included lots of walk breaks and averaged a 12 minute mile; and after 17 miles, I felt like I could keep going for a while. I guess I will just have to see what happens in my next marathon - Green River on June 6th. I am definitely feeling ready!

Chest Pain: So, I've had this little issue that I have been ignoring for over a year now. I noticed it last summer when I took a running class and ran every single day of the week for two months. Everytime I would start my run, regardless of effort level, I would have this little sharp pain in my chest, right behind my left breast. I can't quite tell if it's centralized in my ribs or if it goes deeper than that. It goes away by the first few miles, but I feel it at the beginning of most of my runs. Lately, I have noticed it more, but I don't know if that's because I am more aware of it or if the pain is more intense. I am sure that I should go to the doctor about it, but I am really turned off by my current experiences and the hassle it takes to see the doctors that I need to see. I know it will start with a general doc appt. ($10 co-pay). Then they will probably refer me to cardiology (another $10 co-pay). Since it is a exercise induced pain and I have never seen a cardiologist before, then they will probably set me up with yet another appointment where they will try to replicate the issue in the hospital (another $10 copay). I wouldn't be surprised if they want an x-ray or MRI, which could possibly mean a fourth appointment and co-pay. My fear, honestly, is that they will find that it is a harmless or small issue and some annoying, non-athletic doctor will just tell me that I can't run anymore and there goes another $40+ down the drain. I really didn't appreciate that it took $50 worth of appointments just to get treatment for a bladder infection. I can't afford to keep taking time off of work. Sooooo, I have decided to just ignore the issue just a little longer (since it hasn't killed me yet) so I can finish Green River and set my appointments during the summer months when I don't have to work.

So, that's what's up lately. Can't wait to get that maniac status!

The facts about marathons and bladders (TMI for some)

1. If you have a mild bladder infection and don't know it, running a marathon is an easy way to find out; however, not recommended. Well, unless you like the sensation that you might be giving birth to a spiky alien through your bladder. Not my cup of tea.

2. It is better to have a little bit of fluid in your bladder during strenuous exercise than nothing at all. An empty bladder leaves you susceptible to chafing and bruising of the inner lining, which in turn can cause unwanted bleeding. ick! Although it sounds bad, it's actually a more common thing for endurance athletes than I had previously known.

3. Running dehydrated and with an empty bladder can cause a UTI...if you already have a bladder infection, then your bladder will become inflamed during a marathon.

4. Kidney failure is also a possibility when blood is in the urine (but not in my case, thank goodness), which is why it is important to get yourself checked out by a doc. Be sure to tell them you ran a marathon, though, because otherwise they may freak out at your blood work results.

4 1/2. Trying to draw blood from someone who is very dehydrated and afraid of needles is no easy task. Those little veins dodge the needle like a plague. Also, it is an evil doing to deplete blood from someone who has just run a marathon while trying to fight off an infection. It makes them feel very crappy and slows their recovery. AND, if you ask me to come back and give you more blood within the same week, I will say NO....so there!

5. Never trust a doctor who obviously knows nothing about endurance sports in relation to body chemistry. They will try to pretend they know what they are talking about. Also, if you are seeing blood in your urine, and the doctor tells you that you're fine, even if you feel fine, always have someone get a second look. In my case, I was first told I was fine and then told by someone else that I had an infection. I ended up missing a day of work and spending extra money to do the testing all over again because of a lazy doc who didn't really take a good look at my results.

6. The longer you put off treatment for a bladder infection, the crappier you will feel, and the greater the risk of this leading to kidney issues. Thus refer back to number 5.

7. Depending on the severity of the infection, your antibiotic dosages can span from 2 pills a day for three days up to the standard 10-day regimen. If you take the sulfer-based antibiotics you will be forced to drink much more water than comfortable and have to stay out of the sun. Yippeee!

Tacoma City Marathon Race Report

Saturday, May 2 - The Eve of TCM: I really took advantage of having a whole day to rest up, take it easy and be ready for my second marathon in two months. I only ran 2.5 miles today. In the afternoon I went to my routine massage to help work out all of the tight areas so I could start the race with "fresh" muscles. Finally, I made a quick stop at the store for a disposable poncho and some salty pretzles. I actually slept pretty well tonight, feeling relaxed and ready to go.

Race Day: I woke up right on time, feeling well-rested. Yay! The day turned out unexpectedly clear. The day before was very, very rainy and windy. This was a nice surprise as I don't recall any sunshine in previous years. Many of my run club buddies were at the start line, while I was mentally cheering for more buddies who had taken advantage of the early start. I later realized that an early start would have been nice as there were many parts of the course that were totally exposed to the sun. Although the temperature would have been perfect for a picnic or a walk at the park, it was just a few degrees too hot for me while running.

The first few miles were refreshing. The course starts slightly down hill so we (Angela and I) started off a little bit faster than I planned. This pace, however, gradually decreased as we made the first hairpin turn to go back uphill. By mile 3, I realized that I was probably starting off too fast. I took a walk break and let Angela fall ahead for a minute. Then I caught her again in one of the shady parts of mile 4 1/2. This was a great day to tour the neighborhoods of North Tacoma as the trees were in full bloom, people were out with their cute little dogs and the sky was blue. The only complaint I had (besides the hills) at this point were the ever-changing and unpleasant odors (aka the tacoma aroma). By mile 7 my tummy was feeling a little icky, but I chalked it up to the constant smell of exhaust, factories, etc. I tried to ignore it and keep pace with Angela. This probably wasn't the best idea, but part of me was wanting to hurry up and get to Pt. Defiance to get out of the sun. I was definitely overdressed and the temperature felt like it was climbing quickly.

Along Ruston Way we were about one mile short of beating the elite half-marathoners to their turn around point. I am glad they caught us though, because we got to cheer on our friend Ruth, who took first woman in the 1/2 marathon! Go Ruth! By the end of Ruston Way and through the tunnel I was certainly feeling the consequence of taking off too fast. I have nobody to blame but myself because I certainly know better than that. At mile 11, my dad was waiting to cheer us on. I gladly handed him my long-sleeve layer of shirt and let Angela continue to fly along without me.

Pt. Defiance was a welcome challenge to me at this point. The beautiful old growth forest provided endless shade to help me cool off and the hills were distinct enough that I could give myself permission to walk them without guilt. This I did. Also, the air was remarkably fresh. The previous day's rain tamed the pollen so many of us could breath in every drop of oxygen without struggle. The coolest part about this part of the course is that I came across my high school track coach! She was a very important figure in my childhood and definitely inspired me to keep running despite adversity. This was over 10 years ago and she still remembered me. :) I gave her a hug, a big smile and then continued on. As we parted she shouted "go, Mo, go" which was such a great boost of confidence for me. For one thing, "Mo" was my nickname in high school, and she shouted the same three words to me over and over again during track season. What a great moment!

Approaching the "big dip" as I left Pt. Defiance, I started to wonder how the second half of this race would go. All though the shade had cooled me off, my fatigue level was comparable to this mileage point of my very first marathon. I was not looking forward to the next couple of miles, which included Vassault hill (insert scary music here). Thankfully, my dad had promised to meet me at the top, so I seriously banked on that to get me up - even walking felt draining. I could feel myself approaching the dreaded wall that I eluded at Yakima and hoped to avoid again this day. Unfortuantely, when I approached the mile 17 aid station, I had no positive energy left. Despite my dad and step mom totally cheering me on, my stomach was churning, my bladder area was starting to really hurt and I could have easily just laid down in the middle of the road and fell asleep. Ugh!

At mile 18, I was still chugging along to meet a 4:45:00 marathon time, but my abdomen was seriously protesting. Miles 18-22 were about 70% walking. I tried to keep my walking fast, but the bouncing around really aggravated my pain. I confess, this seriously sucked. I've never felt so crappy in any endurance race in my life. I was happy to see my dad, Rich and Sonya at Cheney Stadium (mile 22) who chatted with me and gave me a few moments of distraction as I waited for the porta-potty. At this point, I thought my bladder was going to explode. Funny that only about 1 tablespoon of urine loss gave me enough relief to carry on. I felt depleted of nutrients and water, but at the same time, the bladder pain and nausea made nothing sound good. I walked a good part of this mile as I tried to get down some pretzels with the idea that more sodium would help me absorb the little water I could stomach. For the next couple of miles I tried and tried to get back to jogging, but it just HURT. Honestly, I had no idea how to respond to this situation. First of all I did not expect the sunshine, so that discomfort in itself was enough to take me down. I even had some calf cramping, but that seemed like a tiny problem compared to this unexpected pain in my abdomen.

Finally, I took advantage of one more porta-potty and at mile 24, I went for it. I felt like I was sprinting, but I was probably plugging away at about a 12 minute pace. I just wanted so badly to be done and I was proud of myself for getting this far. Anything that was a slight uphill, I walked. Anything flat or downhill I plugged along as fast as I could handle. The big downhill on the way to S. Tacoma Way was just a bit too steep for comfort. Every step sent another sharp jolt to my abdomen and I was certain that an alien was going to pop out of my bladder. There were (thankfully) lots of police officers guarding intersections here so I really tried to keep my focus on thanking every one that I passed. Like in most marathons, that last half mile or so seems longer than all previous ones, but today, it felt like another marathon. Funny, though that I found myself repeating my blog title, "one foot in front of the other", knowing that eventually I would have to reach the finish.

The finish was littered with lots of familiar faces. This was great! Cheers to all of those involved in making this race happen.

To be continued (with bladder updates)...

Today's thoughts while running...

• If I expect to feel crappy for the first 5-10 minutes of my run, knowing that once I warm up I will feel great, then getting started ain't so bad.
• As a runner, I feel so incredibly fortunate to live in the Pacific Northwest.
• I strongly believe that if I can maintain marathon level fitness, I can completely do away with my routine panic/anxiety medications. That would be awesome!
• I wish I had a blue Subaru Forrester with a bike rack and a sun roof. I also wish I had a million dollars. Then I could drive the country and run 50 states. Yeah, that would be cool.
• I wonder if Mike will manage to get back from NTC without hurting himself. Then he could run with the club again! Yay!
• Oh, back to wishing I had a million dollars...I would also hire a landscape designer and some landscapers to help me make my yard become a botanical heaven.
• I just realized how much meeting with the running club and running in general has become a routine fact of life. That's kinda nice, I think.
  
• And finally....masters project, masters project, masters project....oh crap, I better getting working on that today!

Happy running everyone!

Round 2 "Ding Ding!"

It's official. I'm registered for the Tacoma City Marathon. Race #2 in my quest to become a maniac. I'm still bummed that I can't go down to the redwoods this year, but being in my hometown with familiar faces is a good thing too. Plus, this will be my first time doing the full marathon in Tacoma. I've always been a volunteer. The hills shall be a good fun challenge.

April 20th Update: Yesterday I ran 14.76 miles with Angela. We did three loops around Pt. Defiance just to make sure we still had our marathon legs ready for Tacoma. It was a beautiful, beautiful morning and a good, challenging run. I am now feeling much more confident about this hilly marathon, especially because we averaged about one minute faster per mile than I did in Yakima. Woo hoo! I just have to remember to start out sssssssssloooooow because I just found out that the course now includes Vassault Hill, which will come shortly after the climb up to Ruston, the hilly 5 mile drive and that "dip and climb" after you come out of the park. Yay! We love hills (you decide if this last sentence is realistic or sarcastic...i'm not sure right now).

Report: Yakima River Canyon Marathon

And so I have begun my 3-in-3 race plan to become a marathon maniac. I have to say that I couldn't have chosen a better marathon to start off this journey. I had no idea what to expect, because I heard a lot of great things about this race. I also had my worries that it would be desolate and boring, based on my personal opinions about that area of Washington State. Much to my surprise, this turned out to be a wonderful, well-organized race with some of the best scenery so far. The walls off the Canyon sported great rock formations mixed with desert type foliage and a few small farms. The base of the canyon held the peaceful Yakima River, which looked quite inviting, especially when there is no shade in sight. There is something very majestic about being in a canyon. I felt very tiny and amazed by nature. I think those who live here are very, very lucky.

Two days before the marathon I started to get that pre-race excitement that makes it hard to focus on other things. By the end of the day, however, I started feeling like I was coming down with something and my sinuses hurt. Without hesitation I sucked down my Airborne tablets and rested whenever possible. By Friday, I was starting to doubt myself. Worries that I had not trained enough, or that I would feel even worse on marathon day started to cloud my head. I also have had some "down" days lately and I started to wonder if those stressors would consume me during the race. I had a really hard time getting to sleep. I had to get up to pee literally every 20-30 minutes, which I think had to be a combination of nervousness and my body fighting off this sinus thing. I even had one of my oh-so-familiar panic attacks. The longer I struggled to sleep, the more doubtful I became. Eventually, I was just too exhausted to care and I managed about 5 hours with some pee breaks. It really helped to have Mike there to remind me of all of the things in life that I had already overcome and this was just one little marathon. I had already trainined and I had a plan. There was nothing more I could do but get my butt out there and run my best.





A few of the Puyallup Y-run club girls getting ready before the race.







Race morning was full of positive energy, sunshine and very cold temperatures. Even with three layers, a beanie cap, gloves and a jacket I was freezing my tooshie off! I think it was 28 degrees or something like that. As soon as we all gathered to the start line, all of those previous doubts were gone. I also decided not to display my time or mile splits. Instead, my garmin fields included total calories burned (this is very motivating), total distance to the 100th of a mile (which is necessary to follow through with planned walk and fuel breaks), and total average pace (which helps me monitor if I am pushing too hard or not hard enough without worrying about total time). The next thing I did was give myself permission to not have any other goals besides to finish feeling good. It's amazing how much stress that takes off of the run.







Finally getting feeling back in my hands, feet and face around mile 3.





I was really pleased with how the whole thing was put together. It was well organized and the aid stations were in just the right places. I never felt like I would be compromising progress or my overall plan when I had to stop at an aid station. Honestly, the only one that was hard to stop at was the last one because it was halfway down the hill and I had gathered up great momentum. I even told them that they should have an emergency pull off ramp like they do for semi-trucks on some mountain passes. I really have to give a huge thumbs up to all of the race support people. Everyone was so encouraging and accommodating. I never came across anyone that wasn't willing to help or that was stupid enough to try to tell me that I was "almost there" at mile 20. Best of all, I came across a lot of running buddies throughout the course who were also racing that day. This was quite helpful since I currently do not have a functioning I-pod.

The first 15 miles or so were very easy going. I walked about every mile for about one minute. I made sure to soak in the scenery and enjoy the rising, but still very mild temperature. At about mile 15.5, my feet started reminding me about that little injury that I had three weeks ago. The road way was rarely level, so I probably added an extra 1/4 to 1/3 of a mile to my total distance as I would weave from one side of the road to the other trying to find the flattest part. Most of the time I ran in the gravel, hugging the guard rail, but that became hard on the calves at times. By mile 16 I decided to give myself permission to walk whenever I felt like it. That translated into taking a short walk break or alternating walks and runs on all of the inclines and then letting gravity pull me on the down hills. I eventually had to whip out the ibuprofen because my foot was nagging me and starting to bring a little self-doubt with it. By mile 19 I realized that I was still feeling relatively strong compared to my previous marathons. My legs only barely ached. This was very good!

When mile 20 came around, I started to worry a little bit about "the hill" that everyone was talking about. This is a 1+ mile incline situated in the race around the time that many people "bonk" or hit "the wall." That stupid little doubt goblin kept bugging me. I shooed him out by realizing that quitting now would be embarrassing and turning back would just be ridiculous. Then I found my distraction - a series of hand-made signs placed every 100 meters or so. Luckily for me, I had my cell phone with me, so I had a great excuse to take frequent breaks up the hill to take pictures of the signs. About halfway up the hill was a lady with a little boombox cheering me on, playing YMCA, and dancing around. Yes! Another great moment of encouragement, at just right place and just the right time. Thanks lady, whoever you are! They also made sure that the accomplishment of making it to the top didn't go unnoticed. In addition to one more encouraging sign was another little boombox playing Olympics music! Nice!

The veiw as we came down the other side of the hill was wonderful. The river water reflected the deep blue sky and was lined with some humble evergreen trees. At this point in the race is when all doubt finally disappeared and I knew it was going to be a good marathon. For the first time ever, I made it to mile 23 without hitting "the wall" and my legs felt pretty good. This is when I decided that it was okay to push a little harder and not worry about saving anything for the end. For the next three miles, I gradually passed people and made sure to say "good job" to each and every one of them. I was pretty certain that many of them weren't feeling as good as I was and I would have needed every ounce of encouragement if I were in their shoes. The finish line came up pretty quickly...again, a new marathon experience for me...and I instantly spotted my faithful #1 fan, my hubby, waiting to snap a picture and cheer me on.

Another great thing about small races is that the finish line announcer introduces you as you cross the finish line. I think that is so cool! Sometimes people would cross and the announcer would tell us that this was their first marathon or their 100th marathon or 200th marathon or 600th marathon. Regardless this was quite inspiring.

The next couple of hours after finishing, my body reminded me that I was still trying to get over that stupid sinus infection. My tummy was a bit queasy and I had a little bit of a head ache. A delightful meal of burger and fries from Sonic did the trick and we were headed back home. At this point, I was surprised that my body did not have the unbearable ache that it usually does after marathons; but after getting stuck for a couple of extra hours trying to drive over the pass and having to sit still in the car, my body began to remind me of what it had just endured. We finally got home at 8:30pm and getting out of the car was rough. My hips were really sore from having to run on slanted roads all day. My feet were swollen and I also discovered that I had gotten sunburned - another marathon first for me. I stretched out for about 30 minutes before sucking down lots of water and lying down to catch up on all of the sleep I had lost the night before.

All-in-all, this was a wonderful marathon experience. I am proud of myself for pushing past my moments of doubt and allowing myself to enjoy my run. I listened to my body and did everything right to achieve my goal. I almost can't wait until my next race.

Change

When I think about the word "change," I immediately cringe and link it to the word "uncertainty." Both are things that I do not handle well for the most part. At one point in my life I was able to view change more like growth. To be quite honest, it's hard to be optimistic about it right now. This is probably due to the fact that the most significant changes in the last decade have been divorcing parents, dealing with disorders within the highly stigmatized "mental health" category, and getting married to the Army. Although getting married and gaining a new family is a wonderful thing, it definitely brings its own stress. I think the hardest part about all of this is how all of it practically defines the fact that I truly have no control over how my life will be played out. It just seems that as soon as things feel like they fall into place, my panic attacks come back, or Mike has to have surgery, or some one in my family has a crisis, or good ol' uncle sam comes knockin' on the door again.

As Mike endured his surgeries and doctor appointments and all of that wonderful BS, we took the time to make sure that we had a plan....a flexible plan. But guess who walked in the door to blow our plans to smitherines? Yep, our little friend change.

So, Mike's foot has been feeling stronger lately. Suddenly within the last couple of months, all of our plans changed and Mike has already begun training for deployment. He's already been gone for a 3 week chunk and there will be two more 4-week chunks within the next four months that he will have to leave again.... and then deployment for a year.....*sigh*....bye-bye plans a, b, c....

What does this mean? Well, it means that we will have to put off starting a family for another couple of years. It means that I will have to start coming up with a plan for how I am going to handle my disorders on my own. It means that I will have to swallow my pride and ask for help...a lot. It means that I will no longer have my faithful one-man cheering squad as I earn my status as a marathon maniac, or run my first 50k, or whatever. I have to think about the things that I don't want to think about, just so I will have a plan.....just in case.

Obviously, I am not looking forward to the next year and a half....but I know something good will come out of it. I know I will become a stronger person, whether I want to or not. One thing I've got going for me right now is an amazing circle of friends that know me better than family. I've got awesome neighbors and a somewhat stable job in a crappy economy. I have two loyal pets and a cozy home. I live in a safe neighborhood. I've got more than many people do. I'll be fine, just not always happy. Best of all, no matter what change happens, I can always go for a run.

Good run, no glory. :(

Well, despite being a little nervous about doing 20 miles after my little injury, it turned out to be a good run. I thought it would be boring because I knew I'd come in close to last, if not DFL, due to planned walk breaks every mile. Fortunately, we (me and another run club buddy) came across a nice lady who just happened to be running the same pace with the same walk breaks. Her and I talked the whole time which made 20 miles feel more like 12 miles. Yay! I felt bad because my run club buddy had to go it alone in order to maintain a comfy pace for her. When I saw that she was doing well and found others to run ahead with her, I felt a little better about it. By the 10 mile turn around, we were able to confirm that we were DFL, but that didn't bother me, as my goal was to finish without any foot pain.

The only thing that really irked me about this race is that all of the support crew people left their stations before we got to them on the way back. Yes, they had been out there a while, but we were paying participants, and just because we did not "race" the distance, doesn't mean we don't deserve the support. At each water station, the guy picking up all of the supplies would wait until we came by to slurp up the last of the gatorade and water and then he would put everything away. We really appreciated that at least HE was willing to wait for us. The most disappointing part was to get to the finish area to find that there was no finish line, no timer....nothing! We walked inside and rushed over to the guy typing up the results. He had already packed up his computer and wouldn't even take down our times to input them later! It's not like we walked the whole thing. We averaged and 11-minute pace...in any marathon there are usually tons of people running this pace. Worst of all, no potatoes!!! We were starving. We even had a little conversation about how we like to eat our potatoes during the run and truly looked forward to that. I didn't even care that we missed the awards ceremony, but we really felt neglected. Makes me wonder if it would have been more worthwhile to skip out on the series to go run a different race with some friends.

On a good note, I did make another running friend, who just happens to be a marathon maniac. And I achieved my goal; I finished pain free! Whoo hoo!

The "I" word (insert scary music here)

I = Injury. Yep. Not sure to what extent, but I decided to cut my run very short this morning. All has been well in training up to this point. I even toughed out a 19-20 miler in hail, wind, sleet, and snow last week.

When I put my running shoes on this morning, the tops of my feet sort of felt bruised or sore, but after about 1/2 mile of running, they felt just fine. About 1/4 mile into the run, however, I stumbled a little on a trail as I was preparing to hop over a little log. I walked it off, felt no pain or discomfort and proceeded to run. About 4.5 miles later, however, the top of my right foot started hurting again. I stopped and walked and wiggled it around a little. Every time I curled my toes or pointed my foot, I would get a shooting pain from my big toe to the part where the foot becomes the shin. As long as I kept a dorsal flexed foot, I would not get that pain. So, with some upcoming races on the calendar, I decided to listen to my body and cut my run short. I immediately headed to Starbucks and got a bag of ice. After icing it down for about 20 minutes, the pain was almost gone. The area is still tender to the touch, but I am just going to keep doing the RICE thing (but probably without the "C") throughout the day and see how it feels tomorrow.

You know, very rarely do I ever have a good reason to cut a run short. It was very hard for me to walk away from this run today. I was really feeling good. I still feel like I could go out and do another 15, but my foot disagrees. 98 percent of my body feels like a cheater now. I am going to keep a positive and flexible mindset...if it means I need to walk, or crawl, or even roll through my marathons, I will do what I need to do to be able to meet my goals without further injury.

Finding me, little by little

Each week I am feeling more and more like I am back to my old self - the one that wishes nothing more than to have all of the time in the world to run whenever I want. For the first time in a very long time, I am planning to do a 20 miler alone and I am not worried about it. You see, one side effect of panic disorder is something called anticipatory anxiety, where you start to worry/get anxious about the fact that you might have another panic attack soon. It's a very torturous emotional state that you can't understand unless you live it. Fortunately, my only recent attacks have occurred when I was sleeping and in the safety of my own bed. It's almost as though my body has forgotten how to panic in public. I'm sure I will recall such memories when times get more stressed, but right now I am honestly not worried about it. Pfew! I never thought that I would ever get to this point in being able to manage this. In fact, the thing I am worried about most for this weekend is the fact that my faithful garmin is in "a coma" and I may have to estimate my mileage for the first time in weeks. I have become addicted to the many statistics that this little watch has provided me lately. Now I have to revert back to my good ol' I-pod, where I time my water and fuel breaks by the number of songs I have listened to. I'm still fascinated by all the little mental games I need to play in order to get myself through a run, and despite the fact that I actually love running.

On a more humorous note, in my rush out the door this evening, I accidentally put my running pants on backwards! They felt a little strange, which made me wonder if I had recently gained some weight; but when I stepped out of the truck and searched for a key pocket, I discovered the tags....in the front!! LOL! Lucky me, the park restrooms were open so I only had to run with ill-fitting pants for about 3/4 of a mile. :)

Yep...I'm definitely myself again...

Marsala, Mileage, Motivation and the Mystery Blister

As of last night, I have decided that not only is Chicken Marsala with pasta or potatoes my favorite Italian meal, it is also my favorite carbo-load meal. It settles just right in my tummy so I can wake the next morning ready to rock-n-roll without any tummy rumbles. Best of all, I usually have left overs so I can enjoy it after my long runs as well. :)

My long run mileage is getting up there now. 17 miles today and 19 planned for next weekend. I start to get pretty excited about upcoming marathons when I get to this part of training. Every long run feels like a great accomplishment. Better yet, I have been maintaining stamina to the end of the runs and I have been recovering more quickly. I am assuming this means I am in better shape now than I was last year. This is definitely motivating.

On a different note, I have this mystery blister. It's a mystery because I can't feel it, it doesn't bother me when I run, and it never goes away. I get it every time I train long distances. I guess I shouldn't complain, because it could be much worse. It could be very painful and annoying...but it's not so I will welcome it's presence for now.

Suddenly Superhuman

Yes, I now have superhuman capabilities...and I have my data on Garmin Connect to prove it!

Okay, not really, but I did have a lovely and refreshing morning run with some run club folks. I stopped my garmin timer at the end of the run, but then a couple of minutes later, I pushed the start/stop button again, thinking that I had forgotten to press stop....so, I actually started it up again. Within minutes I doubled my mileage, tripled my elevation, and miraculously at mile 8, I increased my pace to 45 miles per hour! Wooooooot! Needless to say, according to my technology, I have surpassed my weekly training goal.

Sheesh, I feel like a dork!

The halfway point

13 miles completed this morning. That's 1/10 of a mile short of a half-marathon. I'm not feeling too sore yet, so that's good. My motivation this weekend is much better than last weekend. I even convinced Mike to roll out of bed at 5:30 am on a Sunday morning to keep me company on a bicycle while I scurried through 7 1/2 miles of darkness and dense fog. By the way, I don't like running through fog when the temperature is in the mid 30's. It sticks to your clothes and your hair, making your body soaking wet before you've even started sweating. This in turn makes you very, very cold. Curse you, Fog!!

Anyway, after the sun came up I changed into a dry running shirt, hopped into my car and met some running buddies at Chambers Bay golf course. This is a pretty place to run, but not exactly ideal for higher mileage days....well, unless your are trying to shred your quads on the downhills and completely solidify your lungs and calves on the uphills. Regardless, I enjoyed the quiet morning with good friends and conversation. I finished my goal distance and all is good!

One official entry submitted, two to go.

Okay, it's official. I sent in my registration for the Yakima River Canyon Marathon on April 4th. There's no turning back and I can make no excuses. Woot!

Noggin Games

Today was a 12-miler day. I'm starting to get up into the kind of mileage where my long runs actually feel like long runs. In other words, when I finish I crave food, a nap and a massage. The most fascinating thing about it is that no matter how much I have trained leading up to my long days, they still feel long. I have learned that my ability to endure the mileage on any given day has more to do with my mindset than my physical condition. Many running buddies will respond to that with a "no duh," but I think it's more complex than that.

Why is it that when I ran my 10 mile race last weekend, I took off at a 9:20 pace with out any concern that I was going out too fast? Today, however, I started around 10:10 and wondered if I would be able to pull through the entire 12 miles. I KNOW that I am capable of doing it, but what is it about my brain during a race that is so much more "gung ho" than when I am just training? Today wasn't a bad run at all. It was a bit cold and boring, but not bad. I stopped 1.25 miles short of my goal to go get warm and get some Starbucks goodness, but I kept it honest and made up the mileage as soon as I got home. A big part of me just wanted to get up to the full twelve so I would not have to worry about it once I went to coffee. A more stubborn part of me couldn't help but focus on how cold and uncomfortable I felt, how good a bagel and chai tea sounded and how freakin' bored I was just looping around town. Why is it that some stranger with a timer at a finish line is so much more motivating than delicious food and a soy chai latte? Why is it that I can be so paitient during the most trying of times, but I can't convince myself to finish the last 8 percent of a long run? Most importantly, how can I find the "gung ho" during training when it matters the most?

Counting Women

Yes, women. That was my game during the resolution 10 miler today. I've had a stressful couple of weeks. While some people find a good long run as relief from stress, I tend to let all of the things that cause me stress to take over my thoughts if I'm not careful. This results in less motivation during long runs. So, as soon as my "stressers" started to haunt me this morning, I began to play my little game called "counting women." The course is a very familiar out-and-back which makes scenic distractions hard to come by. I knew that there were many runners ahead of me, so when the women in first place flew past me at 4 (mile 6 for her) I counted her. From then on I counted everybody with a race number that looked female. I may have missed some or accidentally counted others, but oh well. This game worked out great for a while. I figured out my overall place by mile 5 and I figured that I was ahead of 5 women already. Woot! Unfortunately, by mile 5-1/2 I ran out of women. Sooo, I needed a new mental distraction. I decided to go all out and try to improve my place in line. With my nifty garmin to guide me, I elongated my stride and picked up the pace. By mile 6 I caught up with a pair of lovely ladies, one of whom I just happened to know from my running club. What a pleasant surprise! By mile eight I was able to take on one more lady before I started feeling like I hit the wall. Good thing I was almost done! Satisfied about my quicker pace and moving from 33rd place to 31st, I maintained back to the finish line. I almost, and I mean almost by about 1 second, almost passed one more lady, but she saw me coming and picked it up.

Needless to say, I was pretty satisfied with my performance today. No shiny ribbons or anything, but I did the best that I could do. Yay!

Oh, and here's a bonus pic: Figaro, the perfect post-race meal! LOL!

Endurance

Endurance...That's my resolution for the year. There are lots of things going on this year that will require me to endure.

Physical Endurance: I'm getting back into the marathon scene. My hope is to finally go for that maniac status that I have been dreaming about for two years now. I know what I need to do to keep my body going: listen, listen, pamper, pamper, and be consistent (translation - if it hurts, hold back: if it's too hard, slow down: wear good shoes and clothes; get massages and take ice baths; and get my a** out there, even if I don't feel like it).

Academic/Mental Endurance: I'm trying to finish my master's degree. I picked a project that requires some very focused thinking skills. This is a challenge for me, considering that I am trying to do it while working full time and training for marathons. I don't think well if I am tired or hungry. I don't think well if I am stressed out. If I don't finish this year then I will have to pay thousands more to apply for an extension and another year at an out-of-state school. I would much rather be done. In the teaching world, I am in the midst of re-establishing/rebuilding a level of professional respect from my colleagues, which was quickly lost due to new state mandates and a shift in administration. As far as music education for my school district, I can only forsee challenges in the coming years. *grumble, grumble*

Emotional Endurance: When I am tired or stressed, I have a hard time keeping a handle on my emotional state. I shut down and can't think well. In addition to the running goals, crappy work politics and trying to finish my master's, my husband is likely to deploy this year. If he doesn't deploy, that probably means he's getting his foot amputated. Either way, I get to look forward to some big emotional event. I know what to expect, but that doesn't make it any easier. I am hoping that keeping busy with life and running will help me out. I also need to consider my panic/anxiety disorder issues. I am a little concerned about how that's going to take shape while Mike is gone. I know that I just need to let nature and fate take their courses, but that is so much easier said than done.

So there, my endurance is my overall focus. Wish me luck.

The fascinating thing about getting older

No, I don't think I am getting OLD yet, just old-ER. I don't feel like I am getting older and I am sure I still look younger than my age - which I am sure I should be happy about, but I am sick of not being taken seriously in situations where it really matters. Anyhoo, there are a few things in life that are reminding me that my youth is no less of a physical trait and more of a mindset these days.

So, on Sunday, I ran a little over 7 miles. I am definitely happy with that, given my lack of running in the last couple of months. During the run, I actually felt pretty good. I didn't feel any additional fatigue when I passed that 5 mile mark and I didn't feel like taking a nap afterward. What really hit me is how I felt a couple of hours later...My hips were sore, my calves were sore, my torso was sore, my hamstrings were sore. I was walking through a mall for only about 30 minutes before I felt like dropping my shopping backs and lying down to stretch out. I, of course, waited until I got home to stretch. Oh my goodness, have I lost my flexibility over the years!! Two days before, I felt much more flexible. Is it true that one simple long run could make me feel so stiff!?? Yikes!!

Honestly, I am not frightened or upset about getting older, just a little surprised sometimes about how much less I am able to bounce around like I did fifteen years ago. In fact, there are quite a few people I know who didn't even start running until they were much older than I am now and they are amazing endurance athletes. I am somehow looking forward to the fact that age won't have to be an excuse to push to the limits. Heck, perhaps age will help me to keep running longer, faster, harder...just because I can.

I still got it baby!

Two days ago, I kicked my own butt at the YMCA. I ran two miles at a 10:00 minute pace, then spent 30 minutes on the eliptical. That doesn't sound like a lot to me, but 5 weeks with a respiratory infection apparently takes a lot out of you.

Yesterday, I slept in an extra hour and then joined up with Rob from my run club. He was at the local park working on the first of four 50-kilometer runs in four days. I managed a little over 4 miles with him between a 10 and 11 minute pace and felt drained. Yikes.

New Year's Eve night, Mike and I had a lovely and relaxing time at the neighbor's house. This was a good distraction and an encouraging reality check. You see, I am around so many marathon maniacs and ultra runners that I forget how beneficial it is to do the short runs too. What seems like "just" an hour of running or "just 5 miles" is a LOT to most people. Then I realized that the fact that I was CHOOSING to get up on New Year's Day to go and run 5 miles in the rain and cold was something to be proud of.

I set up my nifty garmin 405 to track average pace, distance, time and also set my virtual partner to a 10-1/2 minute goal pace. The first couple of miles felt great. Just a little bit of a push in pace, but definitely manageable. A quick glance at the 405 was a great boost, as I was holding steady at a 9:15 pace. I was leaving my virtual partner in the dust!!

Then a random dude who was also running caught up with me and started up a conversation. This was good for me because he was holding a pace slightly faster than me, so I had to push a little harder to stay in the conversation. This made the last three miles feel like a breeze! It was so nice to pass my Mike at a water station to brag to him about my faster-than-expected pace and not need his help at all. He's always there for me, by the way. I couldn't have picked a better husband! :)

This was just a great race to start the year, expecially after the struggles of the last couple of years. My finishing time was not even near what I know I could do if I was up to par in training, but it was definitely better than I expected. I'm proud of my accomplishments today: 7 minutes faster finishing time than goal, third place in my age group, and feeling strong! Yes!