You know you're a running addict when...

Your doctor tells you that you may have a stress fracture in your femur, but you still get angry at him when he tells you not to run.

You get depressed when you can't torture your body with multi-hour long runs in the sweltering heat.

You're grumbling as you ride your bike on beautiful mornings along beautiful Northwest trails because you would rather be running them.

You sneak in little runs to the mailbox, to/from your car in the parking lot, and across the yard with your dog, just to get a little "fix."

You refuse to let your race number for the event you had to forfeit go to waste because of doctors orders, so you convince a man twice your age to run it for you.

You try to think positive and plan to reward your recovery and return to running with a new pair of shoes. You'll be skipping out on school shopping for a couple of months to get these shoes.

Crescent Forest Trail Marathon - Check!

I did it ... I pushed my limits and finished my first trail marathon today. I'd like to count it as an ultra, but it was advertised as a marathon...so be it. 27.4 miles of beautiful Washington wilderness. 5 hours, 24 minutes...not bad.

I learned many things, both good and bad, about my body, trail runs, and running equipment today.

Preparing for a marathon when you're on a diet is a little nerve-racking. My habit is to just stuff my face with pasta throughout the day prior to the race and wake race morning not even hungry. For some reason, I had it in my head that this was the best way to pack those carbohydrates and other energy stores in. Well, I am learning that you're body can only process so much and the rest either becomes fat or goes right through ya. So, I had two "weight watchers" servings of whole wheat pasta and that was it. I woke up in the morning hungry. That made me worry, because it's not what I am used to. To ease my mind, I had two servings of Kashi cereal, which is only about two cups of food. On the drive to the race, I sucked down one energy gel. Now I was ready. Even with double servings and a gel, I still consumed less than half of the amount of food as before previous marathons.

Body Lesson #1: No need to feed to the point of massive belly bloat.

I really wanted to wear my marathon maniacs jersey today, as this was my first race as an official maniac. Fortunately it fit. Unfortunately, the fit was just a little too snug for comfort. As long as I keep up on my weight loss plan, I should be able to sport my yellow cat-on-head-of-crazy-runner paraphanilia by my next marathon.

Body/Equipment Lesson #2: Healthy eating habits lead to fitting into the clothes you want.

Jenny ran the early-start time with me. Gig Harbor was overcast and about 58 degrees...PERFECT running weather. Much better than the 93 degrees the day before. It was kind of nice to start a race with only a handful of people...quiet, peaceful, content people who are just out there to enjoy a trail run. Nobody was there to compete against anyone else. How refreshing!

Trail Lesson #1: Trail runners are generally very nice people.

The first mile or two of the trail was pleasant, but you still had to watch your footing for the occasional stump, root or rock. Otherwise it was soft, dry dirt. Nice. Miles 2-5 had some very bushy areas where you had no choice but to slow down and sometimes walk to get through it. Wanting to finish in time to make it to my nephew's birthday party, I stupidly PLOWED through the brush, unintentionally scraping and bruising my ankles and shins.

Trail Lesson #2: Do not be fooled by the fluffy foliage. Bushes will bite when threatened.

The second half of the loop (which was actually a figure 8) was a little more technical in the way of rocky, rooty footing, hills, twists and turns. The trail, however was wide enough to gain some speed. This is where I got a little too cocky and took it a little too fast. By the end of Loop repeat 2, I was only halfway done and felt like I had gone much further.

Body Lesson #3: Just because it's fun, doesn't mean you should forget about pacing strategies.

Due to some technical difficulties, our race director was not able to move the porta-potty from his front yard down to the start line. So, after Loop 2, in desperation, I sacrificed some time to walk the 0.1 distance to his yard for relief.

Trail Lesson #3: Always bring toilet paper or tissue to an unsupported race to avoid time consuming trips off course for the bathroom.

After the little bathroom detour, I realized that only if I could maintain a sub 11:00 minute pace for the next 13.5 miles, would I make it to that party. Knowing the terrain and my careless early race-pacing I knew that wasn't going to happen. Maybe I could do it in a road marathon, but certainly not today. So, I decided that this lap would be an "easy" one. Easy meaning that I would stop plowing through things and actually take the time to get through the brush injury free. It also meant walking up all of the steep inclines. This was a good thing, as somehow there seemed to be more inclines the third time around the loop. Hmmm....wonder how they got there?

Trail Lesson #4: Running repeat loops causes hills to grow in the forest.

The temperature started rising a little at this time and I found myself needing to wipe alot of sweat off of my face and neck. This would be a simple task, except that with each swipe, I also discovered that I was squishing bugs. Yep, I had bugs on my face and neck. Surprisingly, I have no bug bites. I suspect that the combination of massive sweat and slimy sunscreen made the bugs stick to me like a windshield. Yumm...

The second part of this Loop 3 was challenging. I think my bad pacing from before was catching up to me, but I had a little more cramping than usual at around mile 18. Thanks to my nifty hydration pack, I refueled and rehydrated the cramps away. Yippee!

Body Lesson #4: Drink water, suck lots of fuel, even when you don't feel like it. Especially if you're sweating so much that you're drowning bugs.

Loop #4 couldn't come soon enough. I started to get a little bit of a second wind. The legs were tight, but I'm learning something about my body - upper body matters too. I knew that, but I didn't think about it. At the beginning of this loop there is a chicken wire fence which keeps a large dog in someone's backyard. Well, as I was adjusting my water tube, this dog charged toward me and barked like he wanted to kill me. This startled me enough while my body was twisted and I pulled an intercostal muscle (the ones inbetween your ribs). That really sucked...hurt like the dickens...no way to stretch it. ugh. About mile 22, I stumbled a little and stubbed my foot on a stump. Determined not to roll and ankle or cramp up a leg, I continued my forward motion, avoided falling and to my relief was able to keep running. Strangely though, both of my arms cramped up. This was something new. I guess in my efforts to keep my legs loose, I passed the tightness to my arms. ouch! Fortunately, there was some random old dude at the mid-loop aid table that was willing to squeeze my shoulders and help loosen the tension enough for me to take off the hydration pack and stretch things out a little.

Body Lesson #3: Care for thy arms. For it is difficult to run with crampy arms.

The last few miles were tough, but nothing beyond expected. I was actually quite surprised that I had gone this far without a single moment of doubt that I could finish the race. The best part about the finish is that it came much sooner than expected. My garmin was pretty inaccurate today due to forgetting to start it until about 0.6 miles into the race and all of the twists and rolls of the trail that it doesn't calculate. Nice!

Other lessons:

Equipment: My hydration pack is awesome, but if I make it too tight, my fingers will turn blue. Also, I should probably invest in a good pair of trail shoes and some gaiters.

Body: 70% mental stamina + 30% physical effort = 100% running confidence.

Trail: Almost always a slower pace. In battle of man vs. trail, trail will always win, so you might as well just go with it. Also, small races are very lovely on local trails; much better than on roads because I had to run alone the entire race. That was freedom!

Good things and cool stuff

Despite my husband's sabbatical from home, I've been able to make the best of the situation. I've taken advantage of the quiet time, allowing me to finish my master's project and get it edited several times before the deadline. I truly never thought I could ever finish it. Now, to dive into the unknown by taking the 2-hour oral exam. For some reason, I am not worried about it.

I've also decided to take this "alone" time to get back into a weight loss program. Last year, I started weight watchers online and discovered that it really works. Life circumstances kept me from continuing, but this summer I am back with it. In fact, only having to shop and feed myself, I've been able to eat the right things, get on my own schedule and work in some type of exercise almost every day. The payoff so far is 5 pounds within two weeks. I've got another marathon next weekend, so I'm sure the next couple weeks will slow down a little as I battle my intense preference for carbs. Meanwhile, I am going to enjoy my success thus far.

Losing even 5 pounds is also helping my running. I have found that I don't feel that icky jiggle as much in the areas of my body where the fat likes to collect (I'm sure every woman knows what I'm talking about). I've also noticed that I've had the stamina to do most of my runs in the 10 min./mile or just under range - even my 18.5 miler was an average of 45 seconds per mile faster than any of my long runs in the spring. This is good. :)

To make my running improvements even more enjoyable is the addition of my Nathan Intensity 2.0 Hydration Vest (compliments of the hubby). I ran with the bladder completely full today, just to see what it will feel like. 8 miles later, I am still a huge fan. I felt no discomfort due to the weight, nor did I chafe! Nice! The funny thing is that I found myself forgetting that I was hauling 70 oz. of water on my back and complained to myself about being thirsty, only to realize that relief was as simple as popping open the mouth piece and sucking in the nice, fresh and cool water from the tube! What luxury! I am certainly looking forward to using it during my first trail marathon this coming weekend.

Moving forward in many ways

Last night (4th of July) at 9pm I drove Mike to the airport so he could go to a one-month training course related to a recent promotion. He won't actually receive the promotion until he finishes this course and his number on the list comes up. I am very proud of him for pushing through and doing what it takes to advance his career, despite his injuries and related challenges. I am not so pleased with the Army system in sending him to various training for a total of 3 months within the 6 months before his deployment, but that's the Army life...gotta love it.

On the drive home from the airport I enjoyed the constant multitude of fireworks displays that blanketed the horizon. That made up for having to send off my husband at a time when we should be home celebrating together. He called me from Georgia several times today, which reassured me that this month, despite his absence, all will be fine. Another moment of pride for Mike is when he told me that, although it was over 100 degrees with nearly 100% humidity, he did a mock PT run and improved his time from a couple of days ago by almost a minute.

This morning I woke up around 4:45 am...likely just after most people finally got to bed. Although cool outside, it was still shorts weather. The air appeared foggy, but I knew by the smell that it was just the residual smoke from the previous night sitting in the stagnant air. I really enjoyed the unusually quiet and calm first 6 miles of the day. The mountain was stunning and the birds were out exploring in the rubble on the streets.

Immediately after this first 6 miles, I took off to the Ruston Starbucks to park and continue my mileage for the day. Having no one to meet me, I slapped on the Ipod and went on my way. After about a mile on Ruston way, I realized that the course from the waterfront to Pt. Defiance where I would meet the club today was probably further than I had estimated. I gave myself 40 minutes to travel what I thought was 3 miles, but turned out to be 4. This meant that I had to book it at a 10 minute pace per mile or faster. I had the confidence to do it because I was sub 10 during last weeks 15 miler. What made it difficult was the humid, stagnant stench and smoke from the City's celebration the night before. There's nothing yuckier than drunken bums throwing up near the benches, dozens of rotten potta-potties, overflowing garbage cans (some that had caught on fire), waste management trucks in action and the residual smoke mixed with the natural stinky shore smell that occurs with low tide and hot temperatures....particularly when you're huffing and puffing to run faster than usual. Oi vey. Note to self: avoid Ruston Way on July 5th (and January 1st, just to be proactive about it). So, I made my illegal journey through the tunnel and plugged up then down the hill to Pt. Defiance....made it just in time! Pfew!

The jog around 5-mile drive was wonderful - all shade, easy pace and good conversations. Upon completion of the loop, I saw that I had about 4 miles to go to reach my 18 mile goal for the day. Having no interest in touring the stinky waterfront once again, I opted to run up Pearl St., over to 30th and down the big hill back to the Ruston Starbucks. This was all fine and dandy for about a mile, when I realized that the gradual uphill climb would continue until I reached 20th and Proctor (approx. Mile 17). The sun was beating down, but I just plugged away. I tried weaving through the neighborhoods in hopes to minimize my hills, but had no luck. Fortunately, I came upon a small coffee shop where I was able to re-fill my water bottle with precious ice water! Ahhhh! At this point I confirmed my theory that even during long runs, I prefer the short and steep uphills to the long, never-ending gradual inclines. The trip down 30th to complete my run confirmed that downhill running is no fun at mile 17, particularly when it's that steep; so steep, in fact, that I felt sick to my tummy (like you would on a fair ride) when I tried to run down. I am not sure at this point if this alternate route was any better than Ruston.

Regardless, I finished it and I finished strong. I am proud of my progress, not only in my ability to get those long runs in with strength and without hesitation, but also that I have the confidence to go it alone. This would have not been the case one year ago. I am looking forward to my next string of marathons - almost one per month until the springtime. This will be a great distraction during Mike's deployment and a great opportunity to continue to work through my mission to conquer panic disorder and reclaim my life. Right now it's looking good.

Jumping off of the plateau

I had forgotten how quickly one can benefit from changing a running routine; particularly when changing means upping the mileage and putting in a little bit of speed work. I literally have only done two actual speed workouts and one hill work out. The rest is just plain mileage. I've noticed that my comfortable pace short to medium distance runs are faster than before. I am learning that the planned and frequent walk breaks are not as beneficial to me as they are for others. I am getting away from being fixated on "saving" energy on the longer runs and just going a pace that feels good. The last two long runs have not only been faster than any in the last six months, but I have also finished them feeling like I could go further if I wanted to. I am also finding it easier and easier to get into a mental groove that allows me to enjoy solo runs. My guess is that my anxiety is lower and I don't spend the whole time fretting over what might happen during my run. Part of me always goes back to thinking about the Tacoma Marathon. I felt like absolute crap and I still finished. That tells me that I can feel like crap and still run. It's all temporary and you always come out stronger afterward.

During the past three marathons, I felt as though I was stuck in a pace rut. Part of it was the planned walk breaks, as I am realizing that for me, the stop and go is more exhausting than it is helpful. I wondered how the heck I was able to jog through the Eugene Marathon at a sub 10 minute pace when I have had to work so hard for 11+ minutes per mile on the last three marathons. In the last two or three weeks, however, I am feeling running refreshed. That is not to say that all of my runs have felt good, although most have. It's more like I am feeling like I am finally climbing out of a certain rut and setting higher personal goals is seeming more and more realistic.

Ahhhh!

Changing the routine

Now that I am running longer distances on a more regular basis, I am realizing that my body is getting used to the rate of exercise and my metabolism has either hit a plateau or gone back a little. Last year at this time, I weighed the most that I have ever weighed and I could really feel it when I ran. It was only a difference of about 12 lbs from normal, but on a 5' 1" frame, that makes a pretty big difference. I'm almost back to that dreaded weight despite my increase in marathons. It is much harder to maintain a good balance between calorie intake and output when you have to carbo-load and suck down gels and eat recovery meals. I am also a reactive hypoglycemic, which means that blood tests show that I have normal blood sugar levels, but at any time that blood sugar goes down even a little I experience exaggerated symptoms...light-headedness, headaches, nausea, and what I call "jello legs. So, in response, I need to eat every two hours throughout the day to avoid those yucky symptoms. Bleh.

I've read that to lose one pound you've got to burn off about 3500 calories per week. That boils down to about 35 miles of running..no prob! But once again, if I keep running the same way, the same time of day, then my body will adjust and won't burn as much. Soooo, I decided to mix it up a little. I've begun doing some "speed work" on Thursday nights. This morning I ran with Mike's soldiers (and beat about half of 'em) along ruston way and then up 30th street and back. I did the hill twice while the guys only did it once. tee hee! Now that it's summer time, I am going to try to thow in some spin classes and other alternate stuff, hoping that should do the trick without having to track my food intake much more than the typical portion control.

I love summer. If I wasn't a teacher and I didn't have this break, I think I would be a big fat ball of lard. Pfew!

She's a maniac, maaaaaaniac...!

A little over two years ago I ran my fastest marathon to date. Not only was it my PR, but it was in Track Town USA, also known as Eugene, OR. I am a product of the U of O School of Music and consider Eugene my second home. I will never forget the perfect race, on a near perfect course with perfect weather, among the perfect group of friends. I was probably in the best shape of my adult life and felt like I could conquer the world. During my training weeks leading up to Eugene I did not waiver. I had my husband's (then fiancee) undying support and decided that Eugene would be the first of three marathons in three months to qualify me as a Marathon Maniac (www.marathonmaniacs.com). The other races to follow would be the inaugural Tacoma City and North Discovery. My sense of immortality would quickly dissipate, however, when I came to experience what I now know as a full blown panic attack about 10 minutes after finishing the race. When the numbness in my fingertips and toes began spreading throughout my body, my chest felt as though someone were sitting upon it and then every muscle in my body, including my toungue began to cramp and freeze up, I was certain that I was going to die. The medics told me that I may have overhydrated and made me eat potato chips. Then I remember some guy sticking a plastic bag over my mouth. I had never before struggled so much to convince myself that I needed to trust these people. After all they did what they thought was right. Once my breathing pattern was regulated and I was able to swallow some more electrolytes, I recovered quickly....literally within 20 minutes. This should have been the first clue that it was panic, but I was very ignorant.

It took me about two months of blood tests, emergency room visits, major paranoia and uninformed doctors telling me that I should never ever run a marathon again to figure out that I had inherited yet another perk of the depression/anxiety spectrum....panic disorder. It has taken me two years to get to the point that I can live with this disorder and not walk around life in fear of another attack.

So, here I am today...a little older, a little wiser, a little fatter and with many more miles on my feet. As cheezy and cliche as it sounds, reaching my goal of maniac status means more than just that. It means I have learned to take control over that little monster inside me that makes me fear the world. It means that I am stronger than I think I am. It means that a new door has been unlocked to a place with no walls.

Panic Management...check.
Learning to run a marathon despite panic...Royal Victoria Marathon...check.
Yakima River Canyon Marathon...check.
Tacoma City Marathon...check.
Bladder Infection management...check.
Green River Marathon with great running friends...check.
Marathon Maniac status...check.
New goal - 6 in 6 months...check.
What next?